


moritz doesn't sleep well

by sebs



Category: Because You'll Never Meet Me Series - Leah Thomas
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Death, NOWHERE NEAR YOU SPOILERS, also kind of angst, it's kind of poetry, smoking tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 12:59:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12795090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebs/pseuds/sebs
Summary: a sleepless night results in moritz's decision to stop being selfish, if he has the time.





	moritz doesn't sleep well

**Author's Note:**

> happy egg week?

because the last time he kissed owen, he kissed him with his goggles on.

 

it might have been the most melodramatic finale ever.

 

because even as he’s trying to fall asleep, he still wears his goggles, pressed tightly against his skull. because ollie is on the other side of the room, writing in his journal, or reading a dumb book, and moritz is still relying on his presence.

 

and he shouldn’t, and he shouldn’t.

 

so the next time ollie falls asleep in his bean bag chair, moritz on the other side of the room, moritz sneaks out to look at the stars.

 

and fieke’s out there, watching the world, with a cigarette in one hand like it’s containing all her secrets. she sits on an almost broken lawn chair in the paulot’s front yard, smiling at moritz as she takes a drag. her eyes are tilted towards the stars.

 

“how did i know you’d come here, brille?” she asks, sly.

 

“i have no clue. but it makes sense why you’re out here. you seem so adamant about leaving,” moritz murmurs, sitting down in a lawn chair right beside his friend.

 

fieke sighs, offering him her cigarette. he shakes his head, the black goggles still stuck to his face, in a spot where maybe his eyes should be.

 

“that’s because we’ve been here for three nights, moritz. i know you love this guy but this entire trip was about finding your mother, not ogling over some fifteen year old wreck.”

 

he sniffs at the word ‘wreck’, either in anger or realization, but doesn’t say anything. moritz wonders if these could be the same stars from germany. maybe they were the only thing that stuck by him wherever he went, even if he could never see them.

 

“we’re leaving when i want to,” moritz said harshly, even surprising fieke a little bit. “you agreed to go on this trip with me. all stops included.”

 

the air really does smell of smoke.

 

“well, you know i’d follow you anywhere, brille. if only because you’ll be lost without me.”

  
  
moritz thinks about saying ‘i love you’ to fieke. just now, just here. he doesn’t think he’s ever said it. then, of course, he never even thought about whether he does.

 

the two of them continue to rest in cheap lawn chairs, one’s oliver and his mother might have rested in back in the day when everything was good. the cigarette keeps drawing moritz’s attention, and he keeps thinking back to that thing always hanging in the back of his mind. which would give him cancer first; the smoke or the boy he loves? what about fieke?

 

why is it a matter of when to you, moritz?  


::::

 

they leave in the afternoon. auburn stache has hooked moritz up with a car, a shiny one that oliver says is blueish.

 

fieke hugs oliver, which almost makes moritz wince. her arms are coiled around his neck. she smiles at him whole, the gap in her set of teeth showing. with her stilettos, she’s two inches taller than him.

 

moritz is sure ollie is happy he’s won fieke over. if only he knew it was because she pitied him.

 

fieke loads the luggage into the back of the car, and positions herself in the driver’s seat. she hates that, scientifically, moritz is a better driver than her.

 

the air doesn’t smell of smoke like last night, but moritz can still taste the deadliness in his mouth, it’s tearing apart his lungs now.

 

he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to say goodbye, doesn’t know why his arms are killing him, even worse than when he squeezed oliver for five whole minutes.

 

:::

 

the car drives, smooth down the road. a computer programmed voice reads out the directions to their destination, and it reminds moritz of home.

 

fieke drives with one hand on the steering wheel, and the other is playing with the silver fidget spinner oliver gave her.

 

moritz presses a stack of papers against his chest while he drives. some are handwritten, some are typed. some are letters moritz sent, with little notations written in the margins. some are letters that ollie wrote but never sent.

 

the most important one is the one wrapped in a ribbon, the letter saved for the future.

 

the big bright future.

 

cause the first time mortiz kissed ollie paulot, his goggles were off.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!


End file.
